Wednesday, July 22, 2015

23 and Single

For as long as I could remember I was always the girl that liked a boy. Not that that isn't true anymore. I always have at least a crush, I think it's just part of who I am.

However, now, what I want is so much different. I used to always want a guy. Not wanting one to call mine doesn't stop me from daydreaming, but it does allow me to be who I want to be now. I want to be able to move at a moments notice. i want to do me and not worry about what anyone else is thinking. I want to live my life for me and no one else. It might be a little selfish, but honestly, I have nothing grounding me. My family will always be my family no matter where I am. 

I want to know that I can be my own person. That I am important, that I should put me first, that my goals are just as important as someone else's. I used to always want to put someone else's goals and passions first. I knew at 18 I couldn't do it if they couldn't put me first too. I guess it just took a little more time to realize what that really meant to me. 

I've always been the girl that gets a guy and his world his life becomes mine. Which is fine, but I put them first and I put my whole heart in and for some reason right now I don't want to do that. I know I'm important and what I should be doing now is focusing on where I want my life to go. Not getting myself tangled up in a guy who's gonna intentionally or not dictate where I go and what I do. 

I'm 23. I'm finally done with school, I have to wait to be finished with the Marine Corps, but really nothing is keeping me from what I want to do. I want to do something with national government and I can do all of that and be in the Marine Corps. I can find another reserve unit. 

All of this is what is offered to me if i'm single. But this doesn't mean if someone truly amazing comes around that I'll push him away. It just means for now, I'm living for me. I've always been a firm believer that if he's the one everything will work out as it should. It doesn't matter if I'm in a bad place or over the moon happy with life. If it's meant to be the two of us would be able to make it work. Whether it be now or two years from now. Everything in our life happens and teaches us something for a reason. I believe you can find your one in the best and worst situations. It just happens when it happens.

P.S. I'm aware of how horrible this picture is, but there's something about it that I'm absolutely in love with. I feel like it describes me right now and maybe that's why. I haven't really decided how that is yet, but it's what I'm going with.

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